The Mushroom and I
End of Act 1
Part 12
The light dissipates, and Melanie removes her hands from her eyes. There is a pot lying on the floor with a handful of dirt next to her feet. Keir Llama is looking directly at her, awaiting a response. She examines her fingers, runs them through her hair, pats her fingertips across her face, and kicks her legs about a bit. She turns to me with her eyes wide and her smile large. I have not seen such excitement in her face before, but such a look is like catnip for a cat for me. Even the wizard looks shocked, he nods with approval, and I know he wants to comment on her, but he somehow manages to restrain himself. Keir Llama lets out a rather obvious cough and kicks his leathery foot bad and two toes on the floor.
Melanie: “I’m a human, I can see my hands and my feet, you look so small, Keir Llama, everyone looked so huge, and now you are all normal.”
She hugs me hard and whispers a thank you into my ear. I have missed this embrace dearly. I almost feel too lucky to have my cake and eat it. Melanie, as a mushroom was enough, but as a whole human, I must be in heaven.
Keir Llama: “The right honourable gentleman has the stand to embrace his beloved.”
The wizard pats me on the shoulder and gives me a genuine smile; the whole world finally seems to make sense again, even if only a little bit.
Wizard: “You guys look lovely together. I guess you were more than just a mushroom fucker.”
Melanie rolls her eyes and laughs.
Keir Llama: “I refer the House to my entry in the Register of Members’ Interests that I am pivotal in destablishing the crest of Petra & Co. Let me be clear, we must act on Petra regardless of Melanie’s physical status. I am happy that she is happy to once again, be a human, but first we must face a choice. Will she give way?”
Melanie: “I…I wasn’t even talking.”
Keir Llama: “The working practitioners of magic must be cared for; that is the choice that our crest faces. Ah, the sound of footsteps. Here is Angela Trainer.”
Petra walks in with an entire gang of badly dressed evil wizards. I am not going to ask her what their names are; I do not have enough life left in me for that.
Petra: “Your magic coach is disposed of; now your time is up, also, llama.”
All her cronies laugh like American movie bullies and high-five, before dropping into magical crouched stances; the whole thing is excruciatingly cringe. Keir Llama begins to thrash his head side to side and around town like a helicopter until another portal opens up. The wizard stands with Keir Llama, and they both begin to throw spells at Petra in an epic battle that is incredibly hard to even see properly.
Me: “Wizard, we have to go, don’t do some stupid sacrifice bullshit.”
Wizard: “Sorry to take the easy way out, kiddos.”
Magical beams fly from wall to wall, light and shadow casting in vivid contrast like a disturbed pond reflecting a nighttime firework display.
Keir Llama: “Find the toil party crest, on this side of the house, we oppose tyranny in a capitalist form. In favour of tyranny in a socialist form.”
Melanie pulls me into the portal before it closes. The battle is too intense to determine a winner amidst it all. We both lie on a bubble that leads to a city that sits on bubbles; this is the largest area we have encountered so far.
Melanie: “Welcome to Porter, huh, your second name made for a town out here.”
Me: “I feel famous.”
We both begin to walk towards the bubble town, our hands finally touching, our fingers linking, and my world beginning to look even more magical.